first posted Jan 25, 2016 7:27:15 GMT
Post by yarrowheart on Jan 25, 2016 7:27:15 GMT
Character Name: yarrowheart
Character Age: 40
Character Gender: she-cat
Character Sexuality: bisexual
Character's Clan: windclan
Character's Rank: deputy
Short description: A she-cat with amber-orange eyes and a long cream and white pelt.
Physical Description: x
Large, fur flowing everywhere like a kind of endless dream. Though perhaps, it may be a nightmare. Her size is intimidating, characteristically unlike windclan - though she quips that who has pure blood in the clans in any case. She holds herself with confidence, bravado, but whether it is true power or a shadowing of true bitterness or insecurity, it is hard to discern. Her tone is a warm pale orange mixed with hues of cream though her underbelly is dirty white, hence her prefix yarrow. Her eyes are shaped in a oval or almond shape and they are often in slits rather than ovals, though this is most likely genetic, as her grandfather had the same "condition". Yarrowheart's left ear was partially damaged in battle. Her nose and mouth are a very pale pink, which gives a strong contrast to the white of her muzzle. Her whiskers are a ridiculously long length, though perhaps this is simply a matter of proportion to her size. Above her eyes are two darker orange-brown markings, like eyebrows. Unlike many who manage to maintain their pelt at a pristine cleanliness, yarrowheart's pelt is rough, beaten, torn, experienced.
Personality:
Whether it is possible to mark the she-cat as sage or simply having wits is unknown, but she knows well what she has seen. Battles, war, death, even murder, there is very little that Yarrowheart is impressed - or at least surprised - by. She knows that the only way to truly live is through life, through experience, and theory and skepticism aggravate her immensely. She wants to defend what is right, hold up her clan, stay true to her morals, even if it costs her a life - or more. Though she has a strong set of morals, notably supporting the clan and acting with conviction, who wants someone who killed her own brother - even if in self-defence?
She is most certainly not a hypocrite, at least. She knows where she stands and she knows what she wants - and damned if anyone gets in her way. Despite her headstrong nature, she still has a great deal of compassion. An oxymoron? Quite, though moron would be an incorrect term. She is not easily mislead but has a strong belief in StarClan. Unlike many who scorn of the stars due to a traumatic experience, loss of a partner or friend or even bad luck; her intense belief is only furthered by these events. Whilst others feel that damage to the clan's members would not be approved by the stars, she believes that StarClan does everything for a reason, even if the reason is unknown at times.
She cannot see why, in an age so different from that of the first clans, the rules have not changed, have not been shaped anew. Though she holds these beliefs very strongly - and will equally mock those who mock her - she is reasonable, it could be said. If a cat believes in a lack of StarClan with all their heart, especially if they are not a medicine cat, deputy or leader, who is she to break their faith? Even though she is a realist, she is not intentionally cold; what matters to her is the clan is cohesive, modern, moving. Without momentum, they are nothing. She is nothing. She knows the value of originality, but does not impose it upon others. Boldness is admirable, but only when coupled with decision and foresight.
Forever noticing the details, Yarrowheart has a keen eye for when something is amiss, or rather, when it is not. Her precision and accuracy is unmatched, except perhaps by her pedantic nature at having everything in its rightful place - though rightful is debatable, of course. She uses her observations not only to make sure the clan is functioning correctly, but also to key into the ideas of others and identify ones she finds of interest. She has a direct way of speaking, no-nonsense, and cannot stand liars, but she's well aware of the ways of others and how her directness can sometimes appear harsh. Though she does not purposefully change her behaviour - she would consider that dishonest - she uses her knowledge to know when to speak up about an issue, be it injustice or internal clan squabbles.
However, her pickiness in her organisation of the clan and duties translates into a pickiness on to herself, especially when she is alone. Though she dislikes being alone and detests solitude - it makes her feel isolated and the last thing she desires is to be alienated from those she cares for, even if she is not overly affectionate - when she is alone she has a tendency to let the perfectionism of her job force inwards, making her overly critical. For instance if she had led a patrol that was unsuccessful that morning, she would berate herself for her failures, which leads her to be "stuck in a rut". She therefore has a difficulty in coming to terms with her own feelings, often pushing them aside and this is more apparent during her time alone.
So now we come to her faults, her kinks in the works. She knows she has them, and she's not above recognising them, working at them, and using them to improve upon her strengths. She knows when she is wrong or unskilled, and thus knows exactly when to ask for help from others, even though she detests the idea of being incompetent in any way or held down by dogma or cliquish circles. She has an impatient streak and when something is not done in a precise way within a set time she becomes agitated and easily flustered, highly vulnerable to stress and prone to burn-out. Her levels of stress translate to not only an internal dialogue of anxiety and guilt but also an external demonstration of aggression, frustration and furious anger. This high level of stress surrounding her work means that others often perceive her as too busy to have true relationships or friendships, though this is not necessarily true. What Yarrowheart does is prioritise work and the function of the clan over other commitments, which can leave others feeling cut off unless they share her interests.
Her straightforward nature can make her appear insensitive, though she is rarely ever perceived as cold. Her duty and honour, and high sense of morals, contributes to others' perception of her as brash, perhaps abrasive, but never cold. Coldness would imply apathy; Yarrowheart is anything but apathetic. Though feelings are not her forte, she knows their importance, especially in a clan made up of distinct characters. While she can understand the motivations of others, knowing her own internal perspective is much more difficult, and something she tries to avoid thinking about, hence the dislike of solitude or lonely walks; there is simply too much possibility of rumination.
History:
"A sharp tongue doesn't just come out of nowhere!"
Great, now her mother had decided that it was just fine to criticise her excellent skills of communication, once again.
"Maybe not!" She answered, with her typical bravado and flair, "But I do what I want!"
Her mother, a soft hearted but stern blue-grey long-haired tabby she-cat, watched her child with affection, knowing that she would be an apprentice soon. "Of course you do, dear. Of course you do." Still to this day her mother continued to say that, knowing that there was little to stop her spitfire of a kit. "You know, Yarrowkit... Your father and I were thinking, what with you becoming an apprentice and all, that it would be high time to forget those silly fantasies in your head of leading the world and focus on some more... concrete matters." Despite herself she did chuckle a little; it sounded so clinical.
With a huff, Yarrowkit looked at her mother with a roll of her eyes, "Well fine. If you and dad promise not to be so insistent all the time. It's not like I'm a baby anymore mom, I can look after myself now." She spoke with a strong tone, though there was a slight quiver to her voice, knowing that her mother was right, maybe she was wrong, but she dared not entertain the thought.
"Oh really?" The mother mewed with a grin, "Let's see how you fair now."
She pushed her kit into the river, watching her splatter her fur, full of green gunk from the streams. The water was rushing, though with no dedication, just enough to challenge her defiant kit. She was laughing as bubbles emerged from the water. But then as the laughter died, she became concerned. What had started as a joke became more serious. She splashed into the water, powering limbs into the stream, and finally reached Yarrowkit, soaked and covered in tadpoles and fish excrement. She was breathing hard, heavy. That was the day she discovered how visceral fear was.- - -
Her mentor, she professed, did not like her all that much. She was a "failing student" with a "contempt" for authority, too rebellious or too noncommittal. She could not win, not in any way. He was a traditionalist, an old white tom with grey markings and an extremely strict outlook. She was determined to make his life very difficult, at least for a while. But despite her antics, she did genuinely care about her studies, if only in a distant and sometimes questionable way. As she aged she committed, if not for learning but for experience's sake. She wanted to discover, to explore, but was never truly academic or smart. "I've only got here because I knew how to get here." She quipped once to her mentor, who did not react very well. He often compared her to his other ex-apprentice, Beetlepaw, who had been a bright, dedicated, smart and obedient tom, and he wanted her to be more like him. Unlike her mentor, however, Yarrowpaw knew that there was no point in trying to be anyone except herself. That, she knew from day one.
She failed her first assessment. Her friend at the time, Pinetail, said that she was a case of "second time lucky". Well, he was quite right. Perhaps it was her character, her determination, that caught Acornstar's interest. She knew full well that the small brown tabby was not one to give pity freely or often, so she supposed that her graduation had been well deserved. With retrospect she figured it would have been better if she put her studies before her exploration, but she figured that she could do nothing to change the past, even if it was reprehensible. She had never been smart, street-smart perhaps, but she had a poor memory and an even poorer concentration. One minute she was there, the next chasing a squirrel that had caught her attention. In a way however she values her time as an apprentice, as formative years, as a time of escape from conformity and the strict rules of kit-hood. She does not regret those times, but there is little she does regret. Regret prevents progress.- - -
Yarrowheart.
A part of her thought the name unexpected, unsuited almost. A heart cat was one who championed the rights of all, who was popular, respected. Yarrowheart was anything but. In the clan's eyes, she was a failure. She had passed, but by the skin of her fur. The most she was sure of was that it was not a sympathy vote. So what did it mean? Why was she called -heart? She was determined, for certain... Perhaps she truly did follow her heart. In a sense, that was true. In an equally true case there were others with different suffixes, who were more attractive, stronger, popular. Why did they not earn such a name, then? She wanted to believe it was a sign, and so she did.- - -
Affectionate, caring. This could apply to either her first daughter, Applekit, who was a sweet and gentle she-cat, albeit intensely shy. It could also apply to her first apprentice, Kitepaw. Kitepaw was an attractive and committed tom, but he lacked in courage. He feared jugement at every turn, at every step. He was frightened of being bullied, not that that ever occurred in the clans of course. A part of Yarrowheart didn't believe that; it was far too naive a view. Yarrowheart instilled in him a sense of honour, of value, but also of self-confidence; after all, you could only live one life, usually.
Her kits were now almost four moons old. There were three, two she-cats and a tom: Applekit, Daceit and Nightkit. They were the pride and joy of her life, and despite her difficulty in being overly maternal, she cared for them a great deal. Their father did not remain to look after them. After she discovered that Robinwhisker had cheated on her with a she-cat - though it was later revealed that it was not one but multiple she-cats, Yarrowheart decided to leave him, and took her kits with her as well. He left the clan some time after, though was occasionally seen on the border. Whether he was a coward or a nostalgic loser, she didn't know. She didn't care.- - -
She pinned him down, with force and a rumbling roar in her throat. She felt hoarse, tired, beaten. Yarrowheart had fought for her clan in a vicious war with many casualties, bodies strewn everywhere. There was blood littering the moors, a scattering of pain and loss throughout. The brown tabby's eyes were bloodshot, empty, heartless. She could no longer believe what she once saw in him. How could she be so clueless?
"Leopardclaw... You traitor." She growled.
"Ah what, dear sister? Are you angry? I have claimed my land, I have killed your clanmates. I have done more than enough. Mother would be proud." He grinned maliciously.
"Why do you think mother would have approved of this?! She loved us both with all of her heart, you know that!!" Her claws raked across his back, but instead of crying out in pain he started to laugh ferociously in his own kind of delirium.
"Sister, sister, sister... You are the one who is wrong. How could mother love us when you were always the failure of the family. She loved me, not you."
With the slightest tears in her eyes, the she-cat continued to dig into his flesh, and he let out a little yelp. "Oh sister, won't you help me?" He sounded fake, false.
Yarrowheart released her grip a little and then he jumped up, forcing her body with a slam into the nearby tree. He laughed with maniacal passion and approached her, devilishly. "Seems bad to feel insecure now, hmm? Consider this one for father." He slashed her face, leaving a wound on her left ear. He smiled without compassion. She was breathing hard as his wet fur touched her face. Her eyes became slits and she focused, but everything was a blur. "Why don't you try, dear sister? Or do you not have the courage?"
As he turned away, to leave her to suffer without help alone, she grabbed hold of his chest, forced into the cavity, and felt his body lose to the grips of reality and time.
He was dead.
She killed him. A murderer.- - -
"My deputy will be Yarrowheart."
The two had been friends and close, though whether they could be described as best friends was another matter entirely. They were very similar, though not identical of course, and perhaps this was why they never became like sisters - although this may have been due to a difference in rank and duty, status and role. Lichenstrike's stepping down was unexpected; she had always respected the she-cat for her commitment to the clan's success and saw no reason why she would give up her position. Of course, Yarrowheart did not see her internal struggle and the problems she faced; the reasons why she did abandon her status. Her death could be considered tragic; certainly it was not as tragic as the death of the innocent kits in RiverClan at the claws of the Coven. Nonetheless, her death from water-sickness, after everything the Coven had done, had shocked the clan.
So then why did Lionstar choose her, a tragic killer, someone with a family that was broken up through violence? If the she-cat saw something in her, she wondered what it was. Resilience? Power?
Perhaps it was something stronger.
Humility.
OOC name: auburn
Timezone: usually GMT+0/GMT+1 but sometimes Central US Time
Tag: THE COAL THAT BURNS YOU
